What To Do When You're Faced With Body Shaming

Have you ever experienced negative comments about your body from others?

Have you ever talked to yourself negatively about your body?

Sadly, most people have experienced ‘body shaming’ of one kind or another  - if not by shaming someone else to their face (“You’ll never get a date looking like that.” or "Do you really need to eat all of that?") or behind their back (“Did you see the size of her thighs in that?”), then because they have done it to themselves (“I’m so hideous - look at my XYZ!”). 

Body shaming is actually a form of bullying. It involves the humiliation or criticism of someone’s body shape or body size - their perceived body faults and imperfections. It’s an emotionally and mentally damaging behaviour that reinforces the idea that our self-worth is tied to the way we look and that people deserve judgement based on their physical appearance. 

Regardless of who is being body-shamed in that moment (if I’m okay with judging and criticising someone else then I’m also likely to judge and criticise myself), it’s a behaviour that can damage us in so many ways and block us from living a happy and healthy life in a happy and healthy body!

The impacts of body shaming on ourselves and others can be far-reaching and long-term, including higher risks of depression and other mental health challenges, eating disorders such as binge-eating and bulimia, reduced self-esteem and self-worth, and other health issues as a result of the stress that this behaviour causes.

So, let’s make a commitment to stand up for our bodies and stop this harmful shaming in its tracks. 

Here are seven reasons why we need to stop this and what we can do instead to promote self-love and compassion, and gratitude for our amazing bodies regardless of their appearance!

1. Body Shaming Doesn't Help With Long Term Weight Management

We may think that body shaming will motivate ourselves or others to take action to support weight management, however it actually does the opposite. When we’re feeling shamed by ourselves or other people we’re more likely to eat emotionally and therefore eat more than we need, plus to eat foods that aren't nutritionally nourishing for us and our bodies, which is even more of an issue after WLS. We’re more likely to avoid being active because we don’t want to be seen and we feel like we don’t belong with other people and so we aren’t improving our mood with activity and getting those feel-good endorphins (and when we feel good we tend to make better decisions and choices about our lifestyle, that support our health and weight goals). 

Even if the body shaming motivates us to get really strict and disciplined, it’s coming from a place of fear and of ‘not being enough’ as we are, and so we’re completely reliant on how long our willpower can last. We might go down on the scales but it’s not a sustainable lifestyle and so we’ll usually find ourselves abandoning the plan after a week or two. 

Instead, practice loving your body regardless of your size and shape, even as you take action to change it.

Coming from a place of love for yourself and your body, rather than a place of fear and judgement, you are more likely to make choices based on what’s good for you and your body, and what will help you feel good in the long-term. There is nothing that you need to 'fix' before you can choose to like and love yourself! Focusing on how to nourish your body and love your body with your actions can totally transform how you live your life. Healthy eating, enjoyable movement, plenty of sleep and rest, and doing things that make you feel happy are all ways to cultivate self-love by making yourself a priority. 

2. Body Shaming Eats Away at Your Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

Even though babies are born, instantly worthy simply because they exist, as we grow most of us learn to measure our worth through the eyes of others, and through the filter of our self-shaming inner critic. Having low esteem for ourselves and putting a low value on ourselves will not only impact every area of our life and how we show up and live, but it can also manifest in illness and injury, dysfunctional and toxic relationships, unhappy careers, poor financial health, exhausted striving for perfectionism, and more, as well as the constant internal reminders that we’re simply ‘not enough’ as we are.  Coming from this place, how can we possibly create success in any area of our life, including our health and weight, if we’re not feeling worthy of it?

Instead, remind yourself of your strengths and positive attributes, and remember to be compassionate towards yourself.

One of the wonderful things about humans is that we are all different. We all have flaws and imperfections, as well as strengths and amazing qualities. Being compassionate to ourselves and others allows us to fully embrace our human-ness, without expectations of perfection. Treating ourselves as we would treat our best friend creates space to be kind and caring to ourselves, and to recognise the power of focusing on our strengths and what we are doing well, instead of our imperfections and what we aren’t doing well. Taking time each day or each week to acknowledge your wonderful qualities and capture the big and small wins, achievements and highlights is about celebrating yourself right now.

3. Body Shaming Makes It Hard to Enjoy Living

When we’re feeling ashamed of our bodies or focusing on the things we feel are wrong with them then we will seek excuses to avoid situations where we ‘risk’ being seen. We all have days where we don't feel like we look our best however when we buy into the idea that we aren't okay to be 'seen' then we are damaging our self-worth. Doing anything that may be enjoyable, like meeting friends or going out for a special occasion, or heading to the park or beach can become a minefield of analysis about what to wear and how we look. When we shame ourselves, we’ll feel disgusting no matter what clothes we put on, and hold ourselves back from all of the glorious experiences and moments of connection that would be possible otherwise.

Instead, live life anyway!

Go out and be YOU! Focus on what your body can do and the experiences it enables you to have instead of what size or shape it is. You have this amazing vessel that does so many miraculous things! Those things that we take for granted like breathing, and our magnificent senses, are gifts! When you decide to celebrate those gifts and show-up in your life without shame, and instead full of shame-less-ness then you give yourself permission to fully immerse yourself in your life, and you give others permission to do the same also. 

4. Body Shaming Can Mask What The Issue Really Is

Often we might shame others when we’re feeling upset, hurt, or rejected by their actions, or intimidated by someone, or when we’re comparing ourselves to others and want to escape the sense of being inferior that we’re giving ourselves. It can feel easier to attack someone’s physical appearance behind their back than to own how we’re feeling and embrace our vulnerability.

Instead, acknowledge how you’re feeling and practice talking about it - to the person or to a trusted friend. 

Letting someone know that you’re scared of losing them or feeling frustrated by an element in your relationship can be a gateway to improving the dynamics between you, in a mutually respectful way. Allowing yourself to really acknowledge how you’re feeling, even if it’s to yourself, can create space to be your own best friend and start with self-compassion then and there. 

5. Body Shaming Stops You Connecting With People Who Matter To You

In order to shame our bodies we have to be focused on ourselves, constantly looking for our flaws, imperfections and things to criticise. There’s no room for noticing or focusing on our loved ones if our attention is on ourselves the whole time.

Instead, look for ways to connect with those around you and build them up.

Giving your loved ones the gift of your time, attention and focus is a meaningful way to move away from the self-centredness of body shaming and practice seeing their beauty - inside and out. The more you do it for others, the easier it will become to give yourself the same gift of seeing yourself as an incredible whole person who is beautiful inside and out also.

6. Body Shaming Perpetuates The Myth of External Validation

As long as we’re focusing on judging our own and others physical appearance, we’re buying into the story that we are only ‘okay’ as long as the external world says so. When we constantly seek external validation, and criticise and judge ourselves and others if we fall short of those expectations, we are giving power to forces that are external to us, and those forces may not necessarily even know that we are seeking their approval, or be interested in giving it.

Instead, embrace the concept that the only one whose approval you need is your own

Jack Canfield once said ‘You have to take yourself everywhere you go’, so it makes sense to prioritise your loving acceptance of yourself, even as you work to improve aspects! Developing and using strategies to build your self-love and self-esteem can be a powerful way to disconnect from the need for external validation and approval, because once you have it and have given it to yourself, no-one and nothing can ever take it away from you. Looking for things that you do like and value about yourself, and reminding yourself of them on a daily is a powerful way to start each day.

7. Body Shaming Loves Company

Body shaming is a behaviour that thrives in numbers - we can all find things to judge about ourselves and others when we feel it’s acceptable to express it. It can be a habit that we drop into without thinking about it or the damage it does to ourselves and to others. It also means that we’re more likely to spend time with other people who engage in body shaming, compounding the judgement of the appearance of ourselves and others. 

Instead, call out body shaming and look for body-positive people to connect with.

Sometimes body shaming is an unconscious habit - it’s just a pattern that you fall into because it’s so familiar. Bringing attention to when someone is shaming themselves or someone else can be a great interruptor to that unconscious behaviour. Even better is to look for or become someone who is body-positive, or at least body-neutral (someone who places the emphasis on what your body can do, rather than what your body looks like, for example “My arms enable me to cuddle people I care about” and "My stomach protects all of my inner organs"). You can choose to celebrate yours and everyone else's body for what it can do and what it allows us to experience, and have gratitude for this vessel that enables us to live our lives. Spending time with people (or becoming that person) who refuses to comment on someone’s appearance can be a fantastic way to develop the capacity to view yourself and others more kindly and lovingly.

So, whether you’ve been facing body shaming from others or have been body shaming yourself - remember that you have the power to change this behaviour and to change your response to receiving this behaviour from yourself or others. For more detail on specific actions to take, there are some great resources online, such as this 30-Day Program podcast series from Project Body Love. Changing our behaviour and thinking patterns are not always easy but taking make a commitment to stand up for our bodies and stopping this harmful shaming in its tracks will move you closer to a happier, healthier life.